A bright note happened last evening. I was invited to attend Sketch Cabaret. A local event where local creatives gather for a night of dance, performing arts, live bands, and sketch artists and photographers. What an incredible night. The place was packed and every walk of human life was represented I swear. The diversity was amazing. And the talent was just as amazing. It gave me a chance to hobnob with some of the other artists in the area and meet people. I took a few shots but was so caught up in the moment that’s really all that mattered. Below is a shot I did take. I call it simply “The Cabaret”
I was going through some of my photos from last summer and found this one. As I looked at it I realized that it represents so much in my life. Most of the time I feel quite disconnected. Not only to other people but also to myself, my past particularly. I’m always looking to “reconnect” with things in my past. Past adventures, interests, friends, and so forth. My move to SLC was just such. Hoping to reconnect with some old friends, and places that aren’t there anymore. I did find my best friend and his partner and they informed me that most of the friends we had back in the crazy days of the 80’s have died of HIV. That I kind of figured but hearing it come from them make it so real.
Time goes by so fast. I know we all grow up hearing that but when the reality of it slaps you in the face it really hurts. Lately I’ve been looking back at my past. So many regrets. Many things I’d hoped to do and they never came to fruition. Many dreams never fulfilled. And my non-stop analytic mind tries desperately to explain all the whys. Why didn’t I…. or I should have… My mind drives me to the point of insanity at times. Anxiety and depression fill my days with thoughts of not accomplishing the plans of my youth.
So this being my last go around. I’m making it my goal, even at my age to go back to school and get a degree. Photography has been my release, my passion, and the only escape from reality. So the “plan” , I use quotation marks because so far it’s just a plan and my plans always seem to fail, is to get into school and work my damnedest to get somewhere with it. I say my last go around due to all the failed attempts of the past. In my eyes its this or nothing, now or never. A lot of roadblocks have cropped up in my attempt so far and maybe school will resolve that. It may be a long road but it’s the only road that has any light shining on it. And I’ve traveled down too many dark roads. Time for a little light for the trip.
I saw this recently on Facebook. It sure explains what goes on in my head. I wish all my family and friends understood this.
Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not: the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. ~ Calvin Coolidge