Tag Archives: anxiety

Can I get a light please?

Time goes by so fast. I know we all grow up hearing that but when the reality of it slaps you in the face it really hurts. Lately I’ve been looking back at my past. So many regrets. Many things I’d hoped to do and they never came to fruition.  Many dreams never fulfilled. And my non-stop analytic mind tries desperately to explain all the whys. Why didn’t I…. or I should have… My mind drives me to the point of insanity at times. Anxiety and depression fill my days with thoughts of not accomplishing the plans of my youth.

So this being my last go around. I’m making it my goal, even at my age to go back to school and get a degree. Photography has been my release, my passion, and the only escape from reality. So the “plan” , I use quotation marks because so far it’s just a plan and my plans always seem to fail, is to get into school and work my damnedest to get somewhere with it. I say my last go around due to all the failed attempts of the past. In my eyes its this or nothing, now or never. A lot of roadblocks have cropped up in my attempt so far and maybe school will resolve that. It may be a long road but it’s the only road that has any light shining on it. And I’ve traveled down too many dark roads. Time for a little light for the trip.


A link that explains so much

I saw this recently on Facebook. It sure explains what goes on in my head. I wish all my family and friends understood this.


Time for involvement

With the suicidal death of Jacob, a 15 year old teen who had a wonderful life as far as anyone could tell, I’m thinking I should step up and get involved with kids who are thinking that’s the only option. Having been there myself I wonder if sharing my experiences could make a difference. Maybe not but if it could save even one heartache it would be worth the effort. And it might be therapeutic for me as well. Just talking about my experience seems to lessen the pain of the memories.tumblr_mip74x4uwA1rgh99zo1_500

So now what?

I have been so engrossed in self-pity and other depressive processes lately I have to pull myself out. One thing that has come of it is I have found that my passion for photography is my only escape. I have in all my lonely hours figured out more of the whys to my love of the craft. It is my way of staring down reality in the face and climbing the obtrusive walls in my life. So now I move forward. Plans fail and I have to live with that but giving up is not an option anymore. Better things ARE in store! Weather permitting of course!


Wow! My life is so topsy turvy right now. I’m getting married in two months.  I have no job or car due to an accident in which I was dead for 15 minutes last fall. I’m trying to get my photography business up and runningand I plan on cutting hair again soon. And to top it all of I’m trying to quit smoking  and coffee at the same time. And I’m out of sleeping pills. I think I’m about to go insane.

So how was your day?



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